Day 22

You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. Before a word is on my tongue, you, LORD, know it completely. Psalm 139:1-2 & 4

Prayer is communion with God and true communion requires honesty. Exposing our hearts open and naked before God can be painful for it requires, we articulate ourselves what we find there. We do not inform God by so doing, but we do inform and clarify things to ourselves. Some of us are fearful of this sense of intimacy, and consequently, our praying is superficial. When God wants to go deeper into the strongholds in our lives, the best defence is to not pray honestly and deeply, but to keep it all locked up in the hope it will sort itself out.

Henri Nouwen, writes: "Prayer is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow the other to enter into the very center of your person. You allow Him to speak there, to touch the sensitive core of your being and allow Him to see so much that you would rather leave in darkness, to let Him into that place where your life gets its form. And that is threatening to us, and it usually calls for defence."

It is in that secret place of honest communion with God our hearts are scrutinized. Sometimes our lack of communion with Him is a defence against parts of our hearts we would rather leave untouched because some of our sins, though we deeply regret them, maintain some enjoyment. Though we know they charge a bitter price, we hold on to them. We battle with sin and temptation, and are promised nothing better, but if we cherish sin rather than fight it, defend it, rather than expose it, we will come to God with high defenses that keep it rooted in our hearts.

Prayer is both a cause and an effect of our intimacy with God. We wrestle into that secret place of honest vulnerability with God, but when we do, we lose nothing and gain everything.